Lane Meyer



ACT 1:
This is a story about DOUG, a forty something retired engineer who lives comfortably off patent royalties. And ANGEL, a fun, beautiful thirty five year old executive who thrives on pushing herself to her physical limits. Doug is from the West coast and weird as shit. Angel is from the East coast and tough as nails.


DOUG lands his plane on the small, private Northern California airstrip. Did I mention he loves to fly? It’s his thing. His older brother, CURT, and sister-in-law, ALEXIS, are happy he’s been released from the mental hospital, but surprised he’s allowed to fly. Here Doug meets Alexis’s cousin, ANGEL, a beautiful New Yorker new to the West Coast. And for Doug it’s love at first sight. He doesn’t even care that she has no arms.

As Doug flies them all back from their mini vacation to Southern California, it’s quickly established that he is in fact NOT okay, and perhaps shouldn’t be flying. Upon landing, his brother tries to talk with him, but Doug is uncooperative. When Curt asks to see his prescription Doug laughs, “Fetch boy!” and hurls the pill bottle across the plane.

The next morning, in Doug’s home, we learn he has stolen a bathtub-full of pills from the psych hospital and takes them randomly, or sometimes based on color. The effects range from fatigue to manic behavior, to hallucination, or sometimes just excessive sweating.

He develops a relationship with Angel via video chat, as he’s not ready yet to face the girl with no arms. He loves her, it’s just a lot to swallow.

ACT 2:
In time, and to Alexis’s dismay, Angel falls for Doug. He is of course genuinely sweet, very loving, and... really messed up on these pharmaceuticals. It’s hard to know for sure where the effects of the drugs end and his own naturally child-like personality begins. Regardless, she sees past the mess and loves this, uh... UNIQUE guy.

Doug and Angel spend countless hours on the phone and in video calls. He knows about Maria, Angel’s caretaker, her troubles with emotionally insecure men, her love for rock climbing, and the skiing accident that took rock climbing away from her. She knows about his father’s tragic death, his late friend Jeremiah who died searching for treasure, his royalties for some arguably ingenious patents, and his trips to the hospital under the pretense of illness, when really he’s merely casing the place to rob them for a shit-ton of pills.

Despite her affection for him, once she learns he lost his testicles in a motorcycle accident she second guesses the relationship, as she desperately wants children. Feeling selfish, she consults her girlfriends for a sort of, classic chick-flick-like girl circle at her friend BETH’s house.

Of course Doug eventually learns that Angel does in fact have arms and he’s... well, pissed. How he missed this he can’t imagine. Well, drugs. And her long coat was draped over shoulders concealing them. Anyway, he feels everyone has conspired against him in some elaborate joke, or at least that Angel, the love of his life, has not been honest with him. The fact she broke both her arms isn’t close enough. In his mind, he’s been irreparable betrayed.

Angel admits she didn’t set him straight on the matter right away because she loved hearing him go on for hours about how much he loves her and wants to take care of her. For her, his was a selfless adoration she couldn’t get enough of.

So... Doug straightens out his life. (That no-arms thing was the last straw.) He throws out his pills, wrenches on his motorcycle and his plane and spends healthy time basking in the beautiful Southern Californian sun, riding and flying – the things he loves.

Meanwhile Angel returns to the gym, strengthens her arms which have been months in casts, and returns to the climbing wall in preparation for her next great outdoor adventure. Unfortunately she’s full of anger and frustration and lashes out at her trainer. She cries, she rages, she just can’t keep it all inside. She loves that wacky man too much.

ACT 3:
Angel shows up at Doug’s hanger. They make up. She sees he’s packing for a trip, an adventure in fact. He’s heading up north to search for Jeremiah’s treasure. Something she’d encouraged him to do, and of course she wants to go.

Here’s where it all sorta changes genre. (Still romantic and still comedic, but... you’ll see.) Doug and Angel fly to Oregon where he lands his custom bush plane in a field. They find Jeremiah’s skeletonized body in a wreckage and a new adventure begins – one which replaces conversation with ACTION.

Intensely inclement weather, caves, maybe a grizzly, need for knives, a compass and high-powered flashlights, imminent death, and maybe, just maybe in the midst of all this, some impassioned romance that reveals Doug does in fact still have his nads.

Will they find the treasure? Is it worth the risk? Will they make it home? Will their virgin relationship even survive the savage intensity of the hunt?



© 2015 Lane Meyer |